June 12, 2003
I used the color of sparkle a lot today. It is the prettiest color in the whole wide world.
(Starting off the journal on a vaguely surreal, but not entirely unsettling note.)
June 15, 2003
Yesterday Grandma beat us at all four games of Candyland. Today I spent most of my time playing in the little tiny blue pool. For a snack, me and Evelyn had a Finding Nemo Pop Tart. We had to split it in half because there was only one left. The flavor was Great Berry Reef with blue and orange fish sprinkles. And blue frosting. Tomorrow is my feild trip to Mystic Aquarium, and I certainly can’t wait!
(Four out of these seven sentences are about a Pop Tart.)
June 16, 2003
Today I went to Mystic Aquarium. We saw a giant coral reef. I saw a regal tang stuck in the fan coral. A fish almost jumped and made a big splashing noise! It got our attentoin right away! The last thing we saw was the stingrays. We also saw an octopus. We went into Classroom B and went into special statoins to touch sea animals. There wasn’t a hermet crab though. Mom likes the jellyfish. It was fun!! The End. P.S. I saw a bus 145 and 268! P.P.S. The jellyfish were purple and orange.
(Here we see the advent of my inability to correctly spell the -tion suffix. I am also not sure why I needed to add both a postscript and a post-postscript of inconsequential value.)
June 20, 2003
Dear Diary, Today we went to Maine. It feels like we traveled 500 miles already! But at this time, 2:35, we traveled 150 miles! Today at the picnic area a squirrel was running about and we saw it up close! Now at 2:41 it feels like we traveled a zillion miles! I think I will win, and I usually do! Yesterday my classmate gave Mrs. F. a real live goldfish and I found the same kind in the book I read! It was the kind with orange and white with little black scraps.
(The Dear Diary heading was administered so infrequently, I’m beginning to wonder about its sincerity.)
June 23, 2003
Emily invented a new game called Pizza. You run around and the tagger tries to tag you, but the tagger must yell “Pizza” for the tag to count. When the tagger is near you you can neel and say a pizza topping.
(Millie, you were never recognized as a genius in your own time.)
June 27, 2003
Charlie Brown (written and composed by Audrey!)
Charlie Brown likes to frown—
Charlie Brown lives in a town—
His favorite food is pudding that is brown—
He always wears a gown—
His name is still Charlie Brown!—
(— = rhyming word)
(Please don’t quit your day job.)
July 8, 2003
Today we went in the pool. Today we are going to see Finding Nemo and eat chocolate freeze pops.
(So… nothing’s changed in eleven years.)
July 19, 2003
Today we got the fish! And plus they are red-eyeball tetras! I got two books called Meet Betty Spaggehty, Straberry Shortcake Goes to School, and that’s it. Say this five times fast: Kathy is mathy, Mathy is Kathy.
(I was slightly better at tongue twisters than I was at songwriting. And plus also I used a lot of additive phrases in the same sentence too as well.)
July 23, 2003
Dear Diary, Today I saw Brianna At the store! And I cleaned my room! AND I GOT A HEADACHE! But that wasen’t even enjoyful! So I don’t even know why I brought it up!
(Did… did I think that “enjoyful” was a word at any point in my life?)
August 6, 2003
Today there was a Bambi in the road! We went to a party at the Smithfeild Y.M.C.A. There were fish tanks and more cake! Also, there was a ping-pong game. Also, after we got our goody bags, we played on the playground there. We played Cops and Murderers. It’s just like tag. After that we played Princess and we have to rescue the princess from the castle. Only too bad for us. ‘Cause we didn’t get to finish our game, apparently. Only I kept thinking about our wonderful dream dinner: a pizza, cheese curls, popcorn and potato chips. Plus also, that is how it got to now with me writing here right now. The End
(This is one of the longest and untranscribable entries in the book, so I will make some assumptions about the content: A Bambi is a deer. Cops and Murderers is, like, the gritty reboot of Cops and Robbers. Princess is just an excuse to climb to the top of the swing set. My dream dinner was recorded long before I had discovered basil-pesto salmon with rice pilaf. The meta aspect regarding the writing of the account is inspired by the diction and vernacular of Junie B. Jones.)
August 11, 2003
Dear Diary, Today we got three Mickey-Mouse-tailed fish named Mickey, Todd and Sheldon, and two fantail guppies named Yellow and Ariel. We decided reflectoin names are ridiculus.
September 10, 2003
Dear Journel, Today on the News was Mystic Aquirium. It showed the same kind of penguin as Pablo! I wish I could pet it. But later we’re having a sleepover at Grandma and Granpa’s house and we will see Raggety Andy we call Lovely P Sherman and cook him on the rug stove! I’m bringing Pablo’s Gang in their new and improved pool carrying basket with a watermelon (so they don’t mind if it get’s wet) and a book about baby penguins. I got a sticker from school for finishing my work.
(This is the last entry. The rechristening from “diary” to “journel” marks a transition from tedium to surrealism, soon to transcend the confines of written record. The secrets of my past will remain a mystery. But, after about thirty blank pages, one more entry exists.)
Last page. Quit reading. I mean it. This is the end, people. I stopped writing HERE. Bye-Bye.