17 reasons to be a stage manager

Standard
  • You have the unspoken prestige of wearing a headset.
  • You can finally let your obsessive-compulsive need to categorize and document everything take over your carefully-crafted “socially acceptable” personality.
  • While the rest of the cast is doing vocal warmups, you reserve the right to scoff like you’re above all that nonsense. (You’re not.)
  • You can make actors second-guess their own psychological well-being by occasionally hiding weird things in props or sets.
  • You get to eat all extra prop food that comes off stage.
  • You learn skills that last a lifetime, like how to fold a heart-shaped envelope.
  • By spending so much time in the dark, you evolve extrasensory ways of finding your way around, just like those eyeless fish that live in the sunless depths of the ocean.
  • Black happens to be very slimming.
  • It’s another line to put under “experience” on your unread resumé.
  • Telling people to be quiet and leave you alone is no longer a casual hobby; it’s a requirement of the job during performances.
  • You are temporarily granted the ability to see into the fifth dimension.
  • Climbing ladders gives you a sense of superiority.
  • Something something personal fulfillment of a job well done something.
  • You can communicate with the shadows that creep from the intangible cracks in the walls.
  • Pulling curtains and moving buildouts is cheaper than a gym membership.
  • You will finally understand the ultimate meaning behind the mysterious half-remembered dreams skirting the edge of consciousness, but you can never tell.
  • You get to use glow tape.
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