side effects of excess copper include feelings of doom

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there are gaps in my memory. i can’t tell how big they are.

all these beings are moving around me, all of them have different objectives, none of them are experiencing the same reality as me, I have so many perceptual filters. they pay attention to the direction that everyone else is going, but I only pay attention to the walls, and if you focus on the walls too long they look like they are closing in because usually a wall is just one barrier but if you look at them all at once a hallway is just a narrow tube of bodies.

you can’t be too careful about conversations you overhear “by chance.” some of them are probably seeds of ideas, planted subliminally, hoping a root catches hold in your dirt mind.

i don’t know why i feel like i need to “test” my friends to see if they really love me. i leave the room and they don’t say anything, not so much as a wave goodbye. “they don’t miss me at all,” i think. “they wouldn’t miss me if I was dead, either.” i overextended the metaphor.

where is everyone? those bundles of straw, tied up at the top, look like people who were caught out in the snow, walking to the new observatory. did anyone else make it through the storm? it feels alone out here.

maybe this is all a hologram. everyone is just a simulation, putting me in exponentially more absurd situations. it’s not all holograms though. someone real must be watching through the cameras, to see if i react the right way.

i’m walking along the side of the road at dusk. why is the stop sign pulsing yellow, like it’s hit with the light of a turn signal? is there a car behind me? i don’t see any cars.

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